I made a joke about pronouns but I guess you had to be their.
PSA: Getting mad when you lose is not the same thing as being competitive. It just means you can’t handle disappointment.
I’m one of those people who treats his dog like one their kids because I expect my dog to move out and get a job someday.
Uber Eats implies the existence of Uber Poops
Me scratching a bug bite instead of ignoring it
How many kids have died because they thought they were the only ones that could prevent a forest fire?
We can record videos but when will we be able to record smells? You smell something weird and want to share it with someone later. Why can’t my phone do that yet?
Going to sleep is like “I’m just gonna wait here until morning”
Every night at 11:11 I make a wish. I wish I was asleep already.
Who ever made this wins in Life.
this is still very good.
This is one my favorite things Sam and I made for @awkward-elevator and I still think about it often.
(via abayarts)
Go ahead and cry all over this binder
Babysitting is kind of like a hostage situation where you pay to get your kids back.
It seems like when you call a psychic to make a reservation it should already be in there.
Usually when someone says “you can quote me on that” they are not going to get quoted on that.
